Were you drunk when you made this?
There are several problems with this.
First, You sound like you were drunk when making this,
Second, this was already done more than once, so that makes this unoriginal,
third, you ignored the number one rule of recording, NEVER use the first take. I, and everyone who listens to this, know that you did this in one take because you stuttered, there are several mistakes, I can even hear a click and some whispered laughs at the end, and the VA was very poorly done.
Four, it's not even dramatic, you're just reading it out loud with a couple spazzy moments thrown in.
Five, were you eating gum or something? I can hear chewing and squishing after the stutter at the end.
one suggestion I have is to not show this to family members (if that's who you showed, if you showed anyone), because they always have a bias, if you make it, then it's good to them, that's how so many terrible singers audition on American Idol, their family eggs them on without actually criticizing them.
If you're doubting the quality, show it to people you don't know, show it to critical people who you know will give an honest opinion rather than just "Oh that's nice;" listen to it several times, look away from the screen, and close your eyes if you have to.
I'll give a three for the effort, but expect a lot of zeros from less generous people.
3/10
2/5
Good luck with your next sub.